I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
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