Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
