Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
