Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
