not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
