1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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