I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
