Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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