I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
