It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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