we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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