Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
