apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
