sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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