ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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