take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
