PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
