I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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