I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
