Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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