GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
