i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
