i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
