Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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