drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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