I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
