doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
