ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
