Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
