The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
