is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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