Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
