what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
