You really coming over, don't trick.
My liver just broke up with me...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
