I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
