No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
