Kareoke will never be a sober sport
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
