Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
