I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
