I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
