You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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