Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
