you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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