you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
