i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
