He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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