i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
