He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
