HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
