I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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