dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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