i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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